I am Jack Bauer

August 26th, 2007

Correct me if I’m wrong, but the whole 24 phenomenon in the USA goes basically like this:

  1. Serious show “24” comes out.
  2. Serious commercials advertise it.
  3. People watch it serously.
  4. After a while, the amount of near-death-misses and shouting scenes and repetition makes people enjoy it in a non-serious way.
  5. “24” remains serious.
  6. Commercials for “24” remain serious, ignoring the fact that people now enjoy it in a drinking-game kinda taking-the-piss kinda way.

In Japan, the process has been similar but slightly different:

  1. Serious show “24” comes out.
  2. Serious commercials advertise it.
  3. People watch it serously.
  4. After a while, the amount of near-death-misses and shouting scenes and repetition makes people enjoy it in a non-serious way.
  5. “24” remains serious.
  6. Commercials for “24” fully embrace the fact that people watch it non-seriously.

There are some great ads for “24” on now. Here’s the first:

Lyrics (sung by the guy who does Jack’s voice in Japanese): “I am Jack Bauer. I am always in a pinch. I am Jack Bauer. I somehow manage to avoid getting killed.”

There are also versions with the following lyrics (same music):

“I am Jack Bauer. I take orders from no-one. I am Jack Bauer. I get everyone in trouble.”

“I am Jack Bauer. I get pissed off quickly. I am Jack Bauer. I’m going to get everyone in trouble again today.”

“I am Jack Bauer. I do not compromise. I am Jack Bauer. I get everyone in trouble.”

“I am Jack Bauer. I’m quick to anger. I am Jack Bauer. I’m actually a crybaby.”

“I am Jack Bauer. People who don’t confess – I am Jack Bauer – I beat them up.”

“I am Jack Bauer. My mobile is amazing. I am Jack Bauer. My phone bill is amazing too.”

“I am Jack Bauer. My phone bill is amazing. I am Jack Bauer. I’ll pay it with my business expense account.”

“I am Jack Bauer. I hit people right away. I am Jack Bauer. I hit people right away.”

“I am Jack Bauer. I take no orders. I am Jack Bauer. Then people get mad at me.”

“I am Jack Bauer. I’m always up all night. I am Jack Bauer. Sometimes I nod off.”

“I am Jack Bauer. I work hard. I am Jack Bauer. My family life is terrible.”

“I am Jack Bauer. I love America. I am Jack Bauer. China is scary.”

“I am Jack Bauer. I’m good in a pinch. I am Jack Bauer. When it comes to my daughter I’m weak.”

“I am Jack Bauer. I love my daughter. I am Jack Bauer. Therapists piss me off.”

“I am Jack Bauer. I always repeat myself. I am Jack Bauer. I’m always saying ‘Damn it!’.”

“I am Jack Bauer. When suspects don’t confess – I am Jack Bauer – I put my face really close to theirs.”

2 Responses to “I am Jack Bauer”

  1. Victor Vorski Says:

    24? That was the show where they torture a lot of people right?

    That’s what you get in a country hell bent on suppressing its sex drive – it just comes out another angle driving people to war and torture!

  2. bugbread Says:

    “Torture fantasies” and “navigating Los Angeles without traffic jam” fantasies.

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