Being Gaunt-Faced and Slightly-Built Kinda Sucks

May 28th, 2007

So, I’ve got a gaunt face.  That is, I’ve got a lower ratio of face-fat to body-fat than most people.  And I’ve got a slight build (I don’t mean I’m slim, I mean that I’ve got small bones/narrow shoulders/whathaveyou).

That’s a lousy combination.  What it means is:

If I have just the right amount of fat on my body, my face will look withdrawn and skeletal.

If I put on a spare tire/lovehandles/beer belly, my face will look just right.

So when I’m my right weight, people will tell me that I’m too skinny.  When I gain weight and get a bit of a belly, people will assume I’m at just the right weight.  If I say “I’m a little overweight”, they’ll ask me how much I weigh, or figure out my BMI, and say “What are you talking about!  You’re underweight!  You’re skin and bones!”

So, either way, I’m screwed.  Either I weigh the right amount and people tell my I’m underweight and say I look like The Machinist, or I get fat and people tell me I finally look healthy.

This means I probably show my stomach to more people than the average person.  When the topic comes up, conversations usually go like this:

Coworker: “Mike, you need to put on some weight.  You’re too thin.”

Me: “No, actually, I’m a little overweight.”

Coworker: “Bullshit.  You’re skin and bones.”

Me: “No, seriously, I’m a little fat.”

Coworker: “You’re crazy.”

Me: (lifts shirt a little to show stomach)

Coworker: “Whoa!  You’re right, you are a little fat. ”

During the winter, it’s no big deal, but it kinda sucks around summertime, when I want to go to the pool or the like.  “Look like a lardass with my shirt off, or look like a skeleton with my shirt on?”

5 Responses to “Being Gaunt-Faced and Slightly-Built Kinda Sucks”

  1. jeff Says:

    you need muscles! you know, just bulk up your face a little so you don’t look like a skinny fat person. eat food that requires lots of chewing. clench your jaw a lot like those guys in the movies. practice squinting and unsquinting. blink forcefully. you’ll look great in no time.

  2. bugbread Says:

    That or saline cheek implants. “I’d like D-cup cheeks, please”.

  3. Small Frame Says:

    Yeah me too i am tiny but people always think im too skinny, yet my BMI says im fine. I have gaunt face a lot of the time, if i put just a few kilos i end up with a double chin.Sometimes i get very angry, especially at fat people because they are the most likley to say it, and GOD FORBID if i said, “i am a little too skinny arent i, but you are WAY too fat , arent you? You are simply not allowed to call them on it.Most of the time i am fine but i sometimes get fed up. Last time i called someone on it it went like this
    “You are too thin” – Slack jawed yokel
    “Oh, are you a qualified dietition” Me
    “No but you look very skinny” – Slack Jawed Yokel
    “My dietition assured me im in the healthy BMI range, but you sell shoes so i guess you would know” This approach can work in many aspects of your life when some fool is trying to tell you something stupid that you KNOW is not true. MY( insert qualified person here) TOLD ME (insert fact here) BUT YOU (insert occupation of other person here) SO I GUESS YOU WOULD KNOW.

  4. korak Says:

    I also have a guant face when i reduce my spare tire. Its a choice between face or belly. I will give it a year to maintain a my weight and improve the face like taking more sleep and have facial works.

  5. digger Says:

    if i tell you i can provide you with the answer you want. you can have what you want without any plastic surgery,without gaining weight. I can provide you with the solution to the Holy Grail of gaunt face. What would you do?

    I know i am replying very late. I suffered from the same problem and i know how metally painful it is. looking sick in the face and people making you concious by staring. The first thing people look at is your face. It represents you. If its slim people immediately say man you are slim.

    what happened to me? I lost fat in face. IF i gained weight my face would become fuller and when i was happy with it, i noticed my face is becoming gaunt again. i checked my weight and guess what its the same. Only my face is getting gaunt. Now my face looks small and very gaunt my body looks huge. Now i have to shrink my body again to look proportioned. Its painfull as hell.

    Afterwards i got to the very bottom of this problem and found the soultion.

    Now what would you do if i tell you the soultion?? I assure you i have it.

    if you provide me with a satisfying answer i might tell you!!

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